In his six short years, my grandson has had too many tests to count, multiple diagnoses and many different treatments and therapies. He has been poked, prodded, stuck, and examined so many times it’s a wonder he doesn’t run screaming when we say he is going to the doctor. Bless his heart, he usually just repeats the doctor’s name and asks if the building the doctor is in has an elevator. If it does, that is enough of an incentive to get him to go willingly. He has the doctors categorized by city, building, type of elevator and how many floors the building has. Ya’ gotta’ love that kind of thinking!! It makes us smile.
Granger has multiple diagnoses including a growth disorder and GI issues, besides the autism spectrum disorder (ASD). His issues started in utero and go on to this day. My daughter recently took him to a doctor who specializes in ASD. He ordered blood tests and other tests that involved following him around to the bathroom with a bowl for a couple of weeks. He is now taking multiple medications and supplements that require making a list in order to keep up. The things that parents (and to a smaller extent) grandparents go through to get their children (and grandchildren) the help they need boggles the mind. This got me to look back and take stock of what are the best ways of coping with all the tests, diagnoses, and treatments we encounter and with which we have to keep up.
Asking my daughter what has helped her the most when she is worried or overwhelmed by everything, she said that knowing what needs to be dealt with, as opposed to not knowing, is better. I concur. I would rather have answers than not know. She admitted it was hard watching Granger go through all the different tests and not be able to help him, especially early on in the process. She says that with time and increased knowledge she is better able to handle everything. “ Knowledge is power” as the saying goes. Add to that just living through it over time helps.
As a grandparent, here are my tips for handling all that is going on with your grandchild with ASD:
1. Be there for the parents, if at all possible. Knowing they have someone to lean and depend on does much for the stress they are experiencing. Going to appointments with them gives them strength and support. Babysit so the parents can have a break.
2. Do research for the parents, if necessary. They may not have the time or the energy time to go online gathering information they need. Pass on only what would be helpful, not bombard them with mountains of printouts.
3. Have your own interests and hobbles. You can be more help to the parents and grandchildren if you aren’t focused on everything they are doing with your grandchild. Remember that you are there to support, not hover.
4. Pray for the family. This is my own way of dealing with what I do not have control over. I pray for everyone involved in my grandchild’s life that they have strength, love, wisdom and knowledge to handle whatever trials come their way.
5. Finally, pray the Serenity Prayer or just stop, take some slow deep breaths and do the best you can to help. After all, that’s all you can really do.
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.