Would you like to know the solution to perfectionism? It’s not easy, but it can be done. As I said in my previous post, this is a work in progress for me.
After a lifetime of wanting blue ribbons, good grades, and pats on the head, it’s been hard for me to change. But what I have wanted is freedom.
Freedom from striving. Freedom from self-imposed pressure. Freedom from measuring up.
How about you? Would you like to turn loose of the desire to please and get everything right?
Here’s how. Ready for it?
You have to be willing to suck at it. Or to be more polite, be willing to fail or get a C or D at it.
Oooo, that hurt! Really, Jane?
Yes, when coaches have told me that there is power in being willing to suck at it, I have pushed back hard. Sounds good, but I did not see how it could be possible? Make a mistake, me? That’s so uncomfortable.
But guess what? The world doesn’t end from making a mistake or failing.
I’ll give you an example. When I found out I was pre-diabetic, I was so shocked. How could that be? I was following what the “experts” had said – eat 6 small meals a day. Which I did for over 30 years. Then the prediabetic diagnosis. It turns out I was messing up. The “healthy” snacks I was having mid-morning and mid-afternoon were raising my blood sugar and insulin, so the insulin levels were never coming down as they should. Not only was I gaining weight and fat, I had moved myself ever closer to becoming a diabetic.
Me! Little Miss Perfect.
I had to admit I had made a mistake. I needed to change my diet – stop snacking and eating sugar and flour. I did it, but I had to be willing to suck at it sometimes. There were some days when I ate something that was not part of my protocol. I’ll admit it. It showed when I tested my blood sugar and it would show up on the scale. But I got right back on protocol and made a correction. I also hired coach to help me get over the humps where I was stubbornly resistant.
This is not a sales pitch. I just realized I could not do it on my own. It’s hard to chamge a lifetime of doing something.
The truth is: none of us are perfect. Not even close. But when you admit that, let go and say, it’s OK to get a C in this sometimes, there is great freedom in that.
In addition, once you start looking at your thoughts and how they affect your feelings actions and results, you will have a real awakening. Life can be not so hard. There is freedom in that.
When the thought “I have to get it right” becomes “I may mess up, but that’s OK”, you will start to experience a peace you may have never felt before. I know I did. Then you take whatever action is necessary to change things and the result is you learn and grow. That’s it. Not the end of the world.
Why not try it this week? Where in your life are particularly hard on yourself? What do you tell yourself? “I’m a success at most things, but I can’t seem to get this right?” What if it becomes, “I am growing and learning,” or “I’ll get some help.” As I said in the beginning, it’s not easy, but definitely possible.
I would be interested to hear where you are struggling with perfectionism and if you have found a way to get a C or D with peace around that.
If you haven’t quite gotten there yet and need some help, why not send me an email at jane@janespringer.com and we’ll talk about it. Maybe you just need a little help to change things up and be willing to suck at it. There is power in that. Trust me.
Bye for now.
Jane
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.