I have many girl friends who have shared with me their online dating pitfalls and disasters. So, I thought I would share my biggest online dating disaster and how to avoid one.
In the early days of online dating, I decided I would stick my toe in and see who and what was out there in the online dating world. Mind you, there were only a couple of sites available then. I wasn’t having much luck locally, so I boldly put my profile out there and made the area all of the southeast U.S. My daughter was grown and gone out of the house, so I was free to do some traveling.
Almost immediately, I connected with a man in Charleston, South Carolina. He seemed very nice, we shared the same religion, he had a steady job and he was very polite and respectful. He shared that he was divorced, just like I was. Good so far.
We started exchanging emails, before people were texting like they do now. I found out that he worked on a scientific ship off shore exploring the ocean floor for oil sites 8 weeks at a time, all the way from Africa to South and Central America. This was good, because I was a bit afraid of marriage at the time, so absences were built in to the relationship, regardless.
Later, he shared with me the cause of his divorce. Apparently, his wife had announced that she was gay and had a girlfriend. Since their split was apparently amicable and since he worked offshore, he had decided to continue to stay there with his ex-wife and her girlfriend when he was home. He did not want to pay for a place when he was only home periodically. Here is where the story started to get a little odd, but he was super nice and we had really connected on many levels, so we continued on with our relationship.
He came to visit me in Tallahassee when he was home. My family and friends met him. They liked him. I had not met his family in Houston, though. We emailed every day while he was off shore. I never did get invited to Charleston, although he talked about wanting to show the city to me. This relationship went on for 2 years.
OK, I know what you are thinking. This sounds fishy. Why didn’t I ask more questions? Truthfully, I don’t know, except that he was so sincere, I trusted him.
We were moving towards marriage after 2 years. He bought me a sapphire ring. Not exactly a diamond, not quite an engagement, but that was OK.
Then one day I received a call from a woman who introduced herself as his mother. She proceeded to ask me if I knew that he was not yet divorced. What???? I thanked her for the information and hung up.
When I spoke to him, I blasted him. His explanation was that he had just never gotten around to getting officially divorced and thought he could do it quickly before we got married. Well, I broke off the relationship right then. I could not trust anyone who lied to me like that.
It was quite a shock. But guess what? Amazingly, I felt a little relieved! I’m not sure why, other than maybe I knew deep down he wasn’t the right one God had picked out for me. That freed me up to find my husband!
Now, how to avoid something like this happening to you? Before you say, “I’d never be that gullible,” I had had no other reason to suspect anything. He was a solid, great guy. I knew that he loved me and he never gave me any reason to think that he had been untruthful.
So, my real advice on this is really very simple. Keep your eyes and ears open to anything that sounds “off” or odd. If it sounds a little fishy, it probably is. Ask loads of questions and be alert to the little things, as well as the big things, that just don’t add up.
You may save yourself time and emotional energy investing in a relationship that just isn’t the right One. My words of wisdom and experience: wait for the One that is the exact right match.
Are you single and wanting to move forward in your life, but feeling a little stuck? Divorced and just spinning in place? Having trouble navigating the world of dating, especially in mid-life? A little unsure of yourself? Let’s chat about your challenges and whether we might me a good fit to work together to propel you forward to loving again – yourself and your right One. Email me at jane@janespringer.com. Looking forward to hearing from you!
Blessings,
Jane
Jane Springer is a certified Life, Wellness and Style Coach who assists women in taking care of themselves, in body, mind and spirit. She coaches women who want to lose weight, avoid diabetes, and feel great. She also helps them thrive after divorce. She also helps them to clear their closets of old clothes and outdated attitudes, so they can shine and feel confident.